


Love Potion

by OTPsaisa



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Food, Humor, Language, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29336697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPsaisa/pseuds/OTPsaisa
Summary: Megumi is sick of Sanosuke teasing her about her non-existent love life and decides to get a little revenge.
Relationships: Sagara Sanosuke/Saitou Hajime
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Love Potion

"What's that smell?" Usually Megumi's cooking was top-notch, but the strange odor drew Kaoru's curiosity to whatever she was muddling together. She couldn't quite identify _what_ that smell was, but it was off-putting.

"Powdered periwinkle... herbs... worms..." 

"Worms?!" Kaoru blanched and gagged. "What in the world are you making?" 

"Mmhmm. _Worms_." A few more twists of the stone pestel mashed an added portion of chopped fruit into the paste, turning it pink. "It's like a love potion. Usually you'd drink them but I imagine the taste will be better hidden in food. Certainly even a little girl like _you_ has heard of love potions." 

" _L-love potion?!_ " Kaoru's eyes widened before narrowing, sending daggers into the other woman. "Now hold on just a minute! You'd better not be giving that to Kenshin!" 

"No, silly girl, but that is an interesting idea. Maybe I'll give him some next, after I test it on Sanosuke." Megumi laughed; her movements precise, almost clinical, as she wet her hands and rubbed them down with salt.

"Sanosuke?! Don't tell me you're in love with him!" 

"Don't be stupid, Kaoru." Megumi side-eyed her, scooping a handful of warmed rice into her palm. "Since that idiot wants to keep teasing me about my love life–" 

"Lack of–" 

"Quiet, you." She flicked rice at her companion. "As I was saying. If he wants to tease me about _my_ love life, I'm going to mess with _his_." 

Kaoru shrugged, nodding. She couldn't find fault with that; if Sanosuke wanted dish it out, then he'd better be able to take it, even if 'it' was a mouthful of creepy-crawlies.

Megumi focused on the task at hand; thumbing a well into the rice, she filled it with the combination of pickled plums and herby-worm mush and began molding the rice into a triangle when a dainty scowl crossed her face; her fist tightened. "I don't know who that roosterhead thinks he is anyway–he's just as single as I am! No one in their right mind would give that dirt ball the time of day. Especially when he's drunk–which is how often?! Ugh! I hate him so much sometimes, he can be such a jerk!"

"I hope you know what you're doing..." Kaoru backed away, scared she was still within the blast radius if Megumi were to erupt in a shower of wormy rice. "What if it makes him sick? You know how he gets! He'll be bellyaching and getting on all of our nerves." 

"Sanosuke? Sick? Don't be ridiculous! His stomach is made of iron–maybe something even stronger. If he could survive the aftermath of that three day bender–you know which one, with the broomhead and their stolen goat–then he'll be _fine_." Megumi packed the rice into a ball instead, abandoning the triangle after her frustrated clench of fingers ruined the shape. 

"If you so say..." Though messing with Sanosuke sounded like fun, Kaoru had a feeling it would backfire one way or another, leaving Megumi more stressed than before.

— 

"How can you _still_ hungry?" Kaoru took the lead, heading towards a new trinket stand a short walk from the Akabeko. 

"Yahiko kept stealing my food." Sanosuke grumbled, brushing knuckles over his stomach. 

"Shoulda been faster, bird-brain!" Grinding an elbow into Sanosuke's ribs did Yahiko no favors and he found himself stumbling sideways, a kneecap-shaped bruise likely forming on his own ribs. "Why you–!" 

"If it will shut you up, _here_." Megumi huffed, shoving a paperbag into Sanosuke's hands. 

"Why do you even–... you know what, food is food and I don't really care where it comes from–" Sanosuke's face lit up as he peered past his hand into the bag he held open, but then his eyes flicked over to Kaoru, "–well, I almost don't care."

"Hey!"

"Nevermind him, Kaoru, you know the baby gets cranky when he's hungry."

Sanosuke gave a mocking laugh, sticking out his tongue before biting through half of the rice ball. 

"No fair! Why does he get Megumi's onigiri?!"

"I get the feeling that you don't want this onigiri, that you don't." Kenshin spoke low, eyes signaling for Yahiko to pay attention. Megumi shot Kaoru a sly grin when Sanosuke tipped his head back, dropping the second half into his mouth. After a moment of chewing, Sanosuke looked back into the bag with disappointment, crumbling the paper into a ball and shoving it in his pocket.

"Too bad there was only one." He said around the mouthful.

" _Thank you, Megumi_. And you do know that if you would just eat slower, it would last longer." Sanosuke rolled his eyes and looked away as Megumi turned towards Kaoru, mouthing 'now we wait'. 

Sanosuke's response upon swallowing was a low belch, earning a few looks in the street. " _Thanks_ , Megitsune." 

"You're such a pig." Her practiced mask of indifference slipped into place, hiding her amusement in case he decided to turn back around. 

"Oink oink." Sanosuke didn't look when she balked–he hadn't looked at any of them for a few minutes–and Kaoru, confused by the silence he fell into, looked at Megumi. The women communicated through questioning expressions and shrugs, staring between each other and Sanosuke's straightening back, as Kenshin and Yahiko stood forgotten beside them. There was a soft gasp–Sanosuke _gasped_ –before his hand fell slack from where it scratched at his head. "Holy shit..."

"Hmm? Problem, Sanosuke?" Mask failing, Megumi pinched her nose and mouth in her palm to stifle a laugh.

"Problem? What?" Sanosuke glanced over a shoulder and she quickly dropped her hand; a wide-eyed, wistful look on his face, "uhm, nah. No problem..." He swiveled his head forward again, rocking up on the balls of his feet when the density of pedestrian traffic increased. "But ya know, I never noticed before...." 

"Never noticed what, Sanosuke?"

"How fucking _hot_ Saitou is."

"WHAT?!" The street filled with their voices, varying in volume and emotion. 

"He's gorgeous." Sanosuke, still up on his toes, froze with a sharp inhale. "I'll catch you guys later, thanks for the onigiri!" He tore off, excusing himself and apologizing as he pushed through the crowd. His voice boomed over the market's constant thrum as they lost sight of him. "Oi! Cricket-face! Wait up!" 

Hands over mouth, Megumi's eyes widened to saucers.

"Oh my god, Megumi, he's gonna get himself killed!" Kaoru screamed, grabbing at the front of the other woman's kimono and shaking her. 

"I didn't think it would actually work!!" Panic overtook shock and she cursed, unable to rebuild her wavering composure.

"Didn't think what would work?" Yahiko, confused from the start and still lingering near Kenshin, watched as Megumi lost the rest of her cool.

"I... I slipped Sanosuke something in that rice ball..." She couldn't keep her voice from shaking, grabbing at her head to dig her fingers into her scalp. 

"You finally poisoned him, huh? Took you long enou– _ow!!_ " Yahiko's humor earned him a smack from Kaoru. 

"What? No! It was supposed to be a joke!" 

"She gave him a 'love potion'." Kaoru explained, hands out to deflect Yahiko's–suddenly halted–retaliation.

"So Sanosuke's in love with Saitou now?!" Yahiko dropped to his knees, clutching at his sides as he laughed so hard he almost choked. "Oh shit! He's dead meat!" 

"It appears that way, that it does." Kenshin remained cool and collected with nary an oro, still watching where Sanosuke had disappeared.

"Saitou's gonna chop him into bits! There won't be anything left of him!"

"Shut up, Yahiko!" Kaoru turned to Megumi with her own expression of panic, ignoring as Yahiko howled about fried chicken. "Reverse it! Isn't there an antidote or something?!"

"I have no idea..." Megumi deflated where she stood, hands dropping to her sides as she followed Kenshin's gaze into the unwitting crowd.

" _'Oohhh problem, Sanosuke?'_ " Yahiko mocked with a long cackle, scooting away from Kaoru's swinging foot. "It's gonna be _your_ problem when he comes back full of stab wounds, doctor." 

— 

"So Katsu found out about this gang that's been running drugs–and I have no idea how I hadn't heard about it _before_ him–but apparently they've been starting shit all over the underground in Yokohama and they recently made it into Tokyo." Right foot kicking at the dirt near the steps, Sanosuke reclined against a support post; Megumi slipped her sandals off to join him on the porch. "It's not opium though–I asked. I've never heard of this shit before but maybe you have, I gotta get the actual name from him again, but Tomo said it's something about the devil and lettuce or something." 

"I can't say I'm familiar, but I'd be interested in taking a look at it. Have the police been alerted? If they have samples–"

"I should ask Saitou!" Sanosuke shot forward, palms braced on the porch floor; one leg curled under him while his other foot flattened against the earth, he was ready to burst into action. 

"What?! No!" Megumi bristled, hands out as she neared Sanosuke to talk him back down the cliff he was mentally climbing.

"Yes! He's a police officer–no! Better than a police officer! I bet he already knows all about this! He knows everything! He's so smart and he's so good at his job–" Sanosuke was babbling, closing in on the ledge.

Yahiko stood in the dojo's doorway, sweaty from training and snickering as Megumi shot him a fleeting glare.

"Sanosuke–" She backed up when Sanosuke jumped to his feet.

"–did you know he took down an entire crime ring–multiple even– _by **himself**_?? Who even does that?! He just sneaks in, all wham-bam, and party's over! Ugh, he's so strong–" 

"Sano!" He shrugged her hands off as he passed, toeing on his shoes.

"–and he looks so good in his uniform! But you wanna know what I _really_ think?" Sanosuke's laugh was too loud and almost delirious. "It'd look better on my floor. I bet he's just covered in muscle, and he's probably got all kinds of scars– _fuck_ –being that hot should be illegal. I wonder how big his–" 

" _SAGARA SANOSUKE!!_ " 

" _What!?_ " He looked up from where he crouched, yanking on the back of one stubborn shoe. 

"Do you hear yourself?!" Megumi's face burned with anxiety and embarrassment enough for both of them. 

"Huh? Yeah, but have you ever heard Saitou? Like _really_ listened? Fuck. His voice is _so hot_ –" Megumi wanted to grab Sanosuke and shake sense back into him as his longing, her panic, and Yahiko's laughter layered, making her head spin, 

"Oh my god, what have I done?" 

"Hahaha! Sanosuke's in love with Saitou!" 

"I wish he were in love with me. I _need_ him–" 

"What you _need_ is a cold bath and _I_ need to make you something to help clear that head of yours because you've clearly lost. your. mind." She desperately needed to figure out a cure before her guilt ate her alive.

"Sano." Kenshin approached from the gate, Kaoru hot on his heels; his soft voice a much needed knife, cutting through their chaos. 

"What's up, Kenshin?" It was the most Sanosuke had seemed like _Sanosuke_ since their conversation started spiraling.

"Saitou is outside," and just like that, the Sanosuke they knew was gone again, face lighting up like a summer firecracker, "he wants to speak with you, that he does."

" _Really??_ " 

"He said something about drugs, Sanosuke. You're not doing something illegal, are you?! Not in my dojo!" Kaoru was close to spitting mad before even getting an answer.

"See?! I told you he already knew!" Sanosuke was gone before his mouth finished moving, slipping through the gate before it slammed behind him. 

"You need to fix this before it gets any worse!" Kaoru whined, rubbing her temples. 

— 

"Here. Drink this, all of it." Steaming liquid splashed as she shoved a cup into Sanosuke's hand.

"It smells like shit." 

"Pinch your nose and do it in one swallow or I'll force it down your throat." She was bluffing; this wasn't a fight she was prepared for–having no back up to hold him down–and she knew she would need to rely on bullying him into obedience.

"Ughh." Sanosuke recoiled as soon as he brought the cup to his nose. "Yep. Shit." 

"Don't keep smelling it, idiot!" He recoiled from her as well when a slim hand swung towards him. 

"Why do I have to drink this again?" Petulant; he was being absolutely petulant. 

"To flush your system." She had no idea if it would actually work–everything else she'd concocted proved unsuccessful–and this final slap dash effort was all she could come up with, a combination of ingredients pulled from a foreign book about poisons and antidotes. 

"Why the hell would I need to do that?" 

"Because I'm your doctor and I said so. Now do it!" 

"Uck, fine, but if I barf on your floor again," he paused, gagging as the cup neared his face, "I'm not cleaning it up." 

" _Just drink it!_ " 

Sanosuke grimaced and pinched his nose, throwing it back like a shot and sputtering as he gagged it down with all the theatrics of a kabuki performance.

"It can't possibly be the worst thing you've ever put in your mouth." She huffed with an eye roll, knowing the herbal remedy was far more normal than the worms that had started the entire mess. 

Gagging again, Sanosuke squeaked, "close second" before pulling the side of his jacket over his face, hacking into it. "Fuck, vixen! Did you put actual shit in it?!" 

"Are you going to punch something if I say yes?" She teased, unable to resist. 

"What?!" Sanosuke glared over the fabric wadded over his mouth and nose. 

"I'm kidding, you knucklehead. Here, wash it down." Cups were exchanged and he drank the water like a desperate man. 

"This ain't helping," he wheezed, fighting off another deep throated gag. Pushing to his feet, he made for the door and his shoes, "I'm out of here, woman. I need a real drink. Something to burn off all of my taste buds." 

— 

Nothing, no concoction or combination, had proven helpful and Megumi was past the point of simple worry, finding herself steeped in regret and fear. Too many times she'd caught Sanosuke tailing his new obsession or gushing endlessly about Saitou's 'animalistic sex appeal' and how comparable his eyes were to _anything_ of a similar color. It was bizarre to hear Sanosuke wax poetic about anyone, especially the cop, and she reached a breaking point after suffering through one too many excessively graphic descriptions of all the things Sanosuke wanted Saitou to do to him. Taking a different approach, one that led to the police station, she sought out Saitou to offer an explanation to Sanosuke's strange behavior, hoping she hadn't waited too long. 

"A love potion?" 

"Yes." She fought the urge to squirm under his gaze; 'eyes that burned right through you with the intensity of the summer sun' Sanosuke had said and she hated to admit he was right. "It was supposed to be a joke. I promise, I had no idea it would actually work or that you'd be the one he attached himself to." 

"Interesting." Saitou seemed too unphased for her liking but it was expectedly in character. "And there's no cure?" 

"I've tried multiple things, but nothing's worked." Megumi's face burned, cheeks reddening in shame. "I'm so sorry, I've put you in an awkward position but please, don't take it out on Sanosuke. He's an idiot but for once, this isn't his fault." 

A curl of smoke and a soft 'hn' were his only answer before the office door slammed open and she startled, jolting back a step with an undignified noise. Sanosuke stood in the doorway, panting, rumpled, and flushed; he looked like he'd ran the whole way there, sweat plastering his hair around a set of wild eyes.

"I can't take it anymore!" Saitou, perceptive and prepared as ever, stood in time to catch Sanosuke as he launched himself around the desk, narrowly avoiding a collision with its corner. 

"Sanosuke!" Megumi's jaw went slack as Sanosuke attempted to _climb_ down Saitou's throat, kissing the frightening man with more ease–and tongue–than she could stand. " _Sano!!!_ " 

Saitou didn't let it go on long before he grabbed Sanosuke's head in both hands and swept a leg out from under him, slamming him into the ground and pinning his face to the floor. "I think you've freaked the doctor out enough, ahou. Time to stop playing this game." 

"Game?!" Megumi screamed, frantic and confused, she thought she was about to be an eyewitness to a violent murder, but Saitou's words– 

"Boo, old man. You're no fun." Sanosuke laughed from where he was restrained, one eye peeking between gloved fingers. Saitou squeezed his head once before standing, brushing the new wrinkles from his clothes. 

"Shut up, you moron." Saitou hadn't lost his cigarette in the scuffle and took a drag, palming Sanosuke's grinning face as he too rose to his feet. 

"This isn't a game!" Megumi couldn't make sense of what was happening and she fell back on the only thing she knew, "Sanosuke, this isn't you! I did this!" 

"Keep telling yourself that, fox lady." 

"What?" 

Saitou's eyes rolled long and hard, almost twitching, before he struck, yanking Sanosuke in with one hand while holding the cigarette out of harm's way in the other. He kissed the roosterhead passionately and Megumi's mouth gaped.

" _What?!_ " 

"My _boyfriend_ –" he shoved Sanosuke again and Sanosuke stumbled back, laughing. "–has been messing with you the entire time. Himura overheard your little plan when you were talking to the Kamiya woman and he made the mistake of telling this idiot." 

The words registered with little doubt or question–Saitou wouldn't lie about something like this, right?–and soon, fear gave way to rage, dominating the want to know how long they'd been a couple and how the hell they'd managed to hide it. "Sanosuke! What the hell!? Why would you put me through this?!" 

"You started it." His lips twisted in a wicked smile, eyes sparkling and narrow until she ripped off a sandal, winging it at him and barely missing his head as he dodged . 

"I'm going to kill you, you jerk!" She screamed, retrieving her shoe as she took off after him through the open door, leaving Saitou to the renewed silence of his office.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's day? Lol
> 
> I looked up old love potion recipes and that was one of them. *gag*  
> [6\. Worms](https://www.historyanswers.co.uk/medieval-renaissance/mandrake-menstrual-blood-10-medieval-love-potion-recipes-and-ingredients/)


End file.
